Goodbye is the hardest word

One day, when I write my memoirs, several girls are going to kick themselfs.

A lot of people think I’m very difficult to love. I’m not. I don’t care (for the most part), what happens. So long as they tell me. I can deal with stuff, but not lies. If there is no trust, then there is no relationship. I only need to have somewhere to go home too. Somewhere safe to be. Somewhere where I can hide from the world. I’m putting myself forward to be the strength of a community, so I need someone who will be my strength. Yes I can lean on JC, but sometimes, just sometimes, I need someone I Can actually hold onto.

Why they lie, I don’t know. Why they do it, and think I’ll never find out, again, I don’t know. I’ve been in this town so long, always part of a web of friends, always I hear things that people think are secret. You can’t hide… so why try?

I was lied to for the third and finall time. It doesn’t hurt as much as I’d expect it too. It’s good that I heard it from her. I had too.

Annoyingly, I still expect someone to make an effort. Make an unexpected phonecall, to want to speak to me. They won’t. They don’t get me like that.

The person that does is going to find me very hard to shake loose.

SK