I share communion, but not the peace with you

It’s strange how pastoral situations sneak up on you.

For those that don’t know what a pastoral situation is, it’s a preistly buzz word for a situation in the community that you can answer in some way, hopefully with the Good News of the Gospel. Or in other words, a situation in the community that needs “investigating”, or “fixing”.

There I was in Chapel, wandering around during the sharing of the Peace like I always do. I always offer my hand to anyone, and smile with a soft nod of understanding at anyone that doesn’t take my hand. Not everyone likes the sharing of the Peace. In all fairness, before I came here, I’m not sure I did. It has, however, grown on me (some of my fellow in-mates here would say “like a rash”).

As I wandered around, I came to someone who I knew had been upsetting some of my friends. Conciously, I chose not to offer my hand. The person in question wasn’t looking didn’t know. However, to my surprise, I did know.

I decided I would talk this over with a few friends of mine here, and their generall response has been that it’s wholy my problem. My only methods of fixing it were in some way to try to get the person to see the error of their ways, to in some way justify my unchristian act.

Much to my surprise this has stuck with me. I can’t come up with any suitable way to express precisely how it is that I feel about this. It goes against the grain, even though what I know about this person makes them….. not very nice in my eyes. This problem has, apparently, always been a problem in the college. Recently, however, they have been turning on their friends, and attacking them. This reached a head recently when they thought that they could no longer cope. It was at this point that I dearly wanted to get myself involved somehow. To tell this person that if they wanted to come and talk, if they wanted some help, that my door was always open. I didn’t do this. I didn’t offer him the sign of peace.

This is a difficult thing. It’s something that we should all be trying to do, and I’m here trying to learn to be a leader of people. To try to set a higher example for others to follow.

The problem with this means that my reasons for trying to help this person my actually be entirely selfish. I’m trying to fix my own guilt by turning the problem onto them. Everyone has assured me that getting involved at this stage is not a good idea, the person is in so much trouble, and is the kind of person likely to try to take people with him when the excrament hits the fan.

Knowing all that, however, doesn’t mean that I know what to do about it. I don’t know how to talk to him, or how to reach out to him.

A thought occours, which is why I suppose we’re told to wright these Theological Reflections. I could send him an email. Worded carefully enough, it could simply be me offering an olive branch. This would hopefully absolve me of the problem that I did nothing, and also it would mean that I have tried to live up for this impossibly high image that I have of myself.

I do awknowledge however, that perhaps I should re-visit this idealised image of myself. It may be too impossibly high, which will mean that it is unatainable, and I will explode in the attempt of reaching it. Then again, it may be just right, and though it may be unatainable, trying to live up to it may be the best thing I can do (baring in mind that as a Christian, I should be striving to be more Christlike). I suppose that this episode just goes to proove that I’m only human. It is this kind of thing that I need to take to God in prayer, to ask for forgiveness for.

I will see if I do anything, or if I can find a way out of this situation. Right now, as often happens in life, I need to be at a lecture. No doubt this problem will drift out of mind.

Some parts of me know that the best thing to do is to do nothing, in the political mine field that is the Church. Some parts of me know that this person will be much better off experiencing life before returning to re-seek their vocation. They don’t know enough of life yet. That can’t be fixed in the time they have left here. Though the part of me that is often referred to as a “pink fluffy heart” needs to know that it has done something. I don’t have a hard edge, perhaps it’s time I aquire one.

~BX