The Experiment, (Day 3)

So, today we had a Taize service. This is mostly lots of quiet meditative music, with bits being repeated, softly, gently and in harmony. Things being repeated for as long as was felt necessary, but all hte context of silence and meditative prayer. I had already been asked to serve at the ceremony, which was nothing short of… uplifting.

Being as part of the experiemnt was to sit and let myself be open to God, that’s what I did. I took a quick look through the booklet for the service, made a note of anything that I didn’t know, and then closed it. Relying on my memory and for the repeated chants to be able to work out where I was in the service, and what I should be saying or singing. This meant that for the majority of the service I could have my eyes half-closed in that meditative style (so that your body can differentiate “mediative” from “asleep”). It also meant that I could spend a lot of time simply emptying my mind, and opening my heart.

It was… amazing. I felt an… energy flow through me. Not something new to me, not something that I had not known before, but this was the first time that I had let myself go along with it, to let it fully take me where ever it wanted to go. Normally I would just let it fill me, like a glowing light, and remain there, and I would hold this feeling until it vanished like the smoke from the incense. Today, however, I let it flow. Not to anywhere, but let it be a… river. Again, not something that’s specially new to me, but not something I had experienced in a worship service in such a sustained way.

I found myself at the end of the service wanting to keep intoning. Not singing exactly, but listening to the last words of the prayed Taize chant, to keep ahold of the feeling. The songs may be “new” but they did not have that “modern” flavour, they were all in the old Middle-ages style. Heavily choir led, with lots of silence, with lots of listening to the silence and to the music.

I was told to try to write in a “feminine” way when trying to put these feelings onto paper, and I’m not sure that I can. I’m not sure that’s what I felt. It wasn’t a soft, gently love…. It was a… strong powerful brilliant light.

Light of the Lord

As the light of the Lord,
Falls on me like a shower,
as it’s rivers flow through me,
filling my life, my heart with a powerful love,
As the streams flow through me,
Let them flow to my prayer.

Let the Rivers of the Lord,
as they flow through those that hear,
let them be a light to the feet,
and a hope in the darkness.
Let those that see the light
shine it from their hands,
Let them act God’s Prayer.

Let the light of the Lord,
As it chases away the darkness,
as it warms the heart,
and cleanses the soul,
fill the world with His radiance.
Let the Word of God
shine from those who love.

Let the Word of the Lord,
Fall on me like a shower,
Let it’s river flow through me,
filling my life, my heart with a powerful grace,
As the streams flow through me,
Let them flow to my prayer.

~Black Xanthus

It occurs to me that my words are simply not adequate to describe this feeling. It’s something that the poets of ages gone spend nights grappling with, trying to find just the right word to capture just the right feeling.

Healing Waters

Lord, immerse us in the ocean of your love.
Bathe us in your cleansing rivers.
Soak us in your healing waters.
Drench us in your powerful downfalls.
Cool us in your bracing baths.
Refresh us in your sparkling streams.
Master us in your mighty seas.
Calm us by your quiet pools.
~ Community of Aidan and Hilda, From:Pocket Cletic Prayers, compiled by Martin Wallace.

The feeling fills the heart in a way that’s indescribable, but anyone who’s had any kind of experience will know what I mean. A feeling of connectedness, and of grace, and love and power. It is, for me, a quiet peace. Not the frantic charisma that the modern movement of the Charismatics want you to feel. It is the Deep Peace of the Lord that passes all understanding. That stays with you until the world intervenes.

May the blessing of your God go with you this night, gentle reader, and may He keep you in his hands tonight, and raise you up in the morning.

Amen (so be it).

~BX